The Waiting Game

The Waiting Game sucks. It is a bad game and I don't like it. The only thing I have ever liked about waiting is Bob Marley’s “Waiting in Vain” – one of the best songs on the planet. Ever. But that’s it. Okay, okay, there are some other things that are good to wait for, because the waiting makes the experience that much richer, but I am tired of waiting for things right now. Lord, looking back on my last few posts, I’m sensing a theme here. Let’s not have a therapy session right now and deconstruct what all this means, okay? Let us instead get to the task at hand: So what is the task at hand, one might ask? I shall tell. I auditioned again last night (yes, it was only last night - bugger off) at callbacks for Gremlin Theatre’s production of The Petrified Forest over at The Loading Dock. The fact that I was even called back came as a huge surprise - I first auditioned last Wednesday night at 9 pm, which made me the last person they saw after two days of auditioning actors, and which I thought gave me a slim chance at best. Lo and behold, on Saturday I got a call (my caller ID displayed “GREMLIN” – how’s that for disarming?) – I answered to discover that I had made callbacks for the role of Gabrielle. Not bad, especially since I wasn’t waiting for the call.

And callbacks went swimmingly. The director was intelligent, pointed, and humorous and the only fellow reading for Squire was hauntingly good. I felt powerful and effective in my performance, the energy with the other actor was palpable, and the director’s feedback was insightful and promising. All of which, of course, furthered my investment, which is NOT GOOD. This is when the disappointment starts to matter.

Just a few examples of why it’s bad to be invested before the proverbial chicken-egg has hatched: I felt really good about Columbia, yet we all know how that turned out. Or how about two weekends ago when I auditioned for a feature film and the casting director went gaga over my performance and highly praised my audition right there on the spot, only to tell me again over e-mail that I did a great job, and oh, by the way, here are the names of the two people we’re calling back for the role (my name wasn’t on that list).

I’m not bitter. Really. I’m just trying to illustrate a point about the dangers of getting invested in something before finding out if I’ll even be involved.

I’ve been painting tonight to try and keep my mind off of it. Not bad with the right music and the thunderstorm lighting up the night sky. Not bad at all.