Leigha Horton :: Green room
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Taxes. Bleh. I’m not going to wax poetic about the royal pain in the hoo-ha that is filing taxes every year – especially actor taxes that come in the form of a slew of W-2s and 1099s, a kajillion itemized deductions, and a bevy of industry-specific tax questions that tend to escape the expertise of the average tax preparer. Instead, I plan to arm you with the best resources I have:

ONE – Fox Tax. These fellows know their business. They know artists. They specialize in artists. They’re affordable to artists.

TWO – Actor’s Tax Tips. Free! A brand spankin’-new blog by local actor and tax whiz and all-around responsible and intelligent guy, Mark Bradley.

THREE – The Actor’s Tax Guide. Not free! But totally worth it! Chock-full of industry-specific tax info for you, handy-dandy worksheets, organizational advice, AND tax-deductible! By the aforementioned Mark Bradley. And he’s local, so if he steers you wrong, you “know where to find him.”

FOUR – Backstage.com’s Actors’ Assets. I just found these articles today when looking up what it means to be a “Qualified Performing Artist.” They’re well written and quite informative. I must say, though, $16,000 cap on your adjusted gross income?! What a joke. Too bad “Qualified Performing Artist” and “Successful Performing Artist” seem to be mutually exclusive.

If you, too, have a little bundle of actor tax preparation secrets up your sleeve, by all means, do share. Misery does love its company, does it not?

Startin’ off the year in fine vocal form – ten more voice-over spots for radio, six more for TV.  All in all, that makes for a grand total of 34 voiceover spots recorded in December and January alone.  Whee!

Wait – just wait – before you start making plans to roll me on my way to the gym tomorrow – know that this is merely preventing a personal economageddon (to make up for the slim 15 hours per week I’ll be performing at the museum until the start of the Dead Sea Scrolls exhibition mid-March).  Therefore, there will not be any extra cash on my person.  And we’ll have to cancel the order for Cristal.

We cool now?  Good.  Until it’s lottery-induced party time, sooth thyself with these here dulcet tones:

ParentAwareRatings.org :30
ParentAwareRatings.org
Recorded at Babble-On

ParentAwareRatings.org :60
ParentAwareRatings.org
Recorded at Babble-On

St. Catherine University: Interview :60 (Jane)
St. Catherine University
Recorded at Babble-On

(audio coming soon)
Home Shows: Washington, D.C.; Buffalo, NY; Orlando, FL; Jacksonville, FL; Denver, CO; Indianapolis, IN
Marketplace Events
Recorded at Audio Ruckus

And, as always, remember you can listen to the whole shebang (most stuff I’ve done over the past couple of years) via VoiceZam.

The previous post here at the greenroom involved me doing a whole lotta tootin’ my own horn, but not so much tootin’ of the finished products.  So I’m here to remedy that. Missouri would be proud.

In relative order of recording, here are some of my spots from 2009:

Denver Home Show with Ty Pennington
Marketplace Events*
Recorded at Audio Ruckus

Philadelphia Home Show with Ty Pennington
Marketplace Events*
Recorded at Audio Ruckus

*There are a kajillion of these spots in both TV and radio format for locations all over the U.S. I was hoping to post some of my better reads in cooler markets (hello, DC! hello, New York!), but a certain production house wasn’t very interested in e-mailing me the spots, regardless of kind, timely requests. *ahem*

ACME: Spring Savings
Supervalu
Recorded at Babble-On

Okay – now that you’ve heard the ACME spot, I should warn you that the rest of these “Grocery Store: Spring Savings” spots are nearly identical. Feel free to skip right on down to the Caribou Coffee spots and resume listening there.

Albertsons: Spring Savings
Supervalu
Recorded at Babble-On

Biggs: Spring Savings
Supervalu
Recorded at Babble-On

CUB: Spring Savings
Supervalu
Recorded at Babble-On

Horbachers: Spring Savings
Supervalu
Recorded at Babble-On

Jewel-Osco: Spring Savings
Supervalu
Recorded at Babble-On

Caribou Coffee: Ripping + Happy Monday
Caribou Coffee
Recorded at Babble-On

Old El Paso: Mariachi
General Mills
Recorded at Babble-On

And as luck would have it, I’ve already recorded a few spots for other clients this month, but those in the new year merit a new post. You’ll just have to come back later. Aren’t I a tease?

Or hell, you could just visit VoiceZam to hear a more comprehensive selection of my voice-overs to date.  Plenty of stuff is left out for various nefarious reasons (audio is tied to the video and I don’t feel like futzing with that whole process, never got a copy from the engineer, sound quality is “meh,” my read = “no likey,” etc.), but there’s a fine sampling of my wares.  Be warned that the damn thing auto-plays as soon as you open the link – probably not the stealthiest way to slack off at work.

Oh dearest 2009, how I neglected to give you a proper adieu. But because I always need to have the last word, your shenanigans shall not go untouted nor unscathed. This here is my farewell parting shot:

The past year brought a load of work, a load of appreciation for the work I was getting, and one giant, lazy attitude toward writing about it.  Of particular note, midway through 2009 I was able to make a return to performing for a living.  “What?  What do you mean?    Actresses in the Twin Cities aren’t filthy stinking rich and famous?!”  Surprisingly, no, not so much.  See, periodically a girl like me is obliged to suck it up and take a part-time “day job” to keep some steady cash rolling in while filling in the rest with voice-overs and stage work.  What is this world coming to?

What happened was this: in June I was cast as Nurse and First-Class Stewardess Evelyn Marsden in Titanic: The Artifact Exhibition at the Science Museum of Minnesota, as well as joined the museum’s Science Live Theater cast. When at the museum, but not in 1912 costume, I bust out my mad knowledge of nanoscience to thwart an Evil Scientist From The Future, as well as demonstrate the important properties of surface area by blowing giant fireballs and discussing chemical reactivity.  It has been a joy to perform regularly for the (what by now must be) thousands of audience members taking an interest in science.  Additionally, I am responsible for coordinating and moderating public forums for adults about nanoscale science on behalf of NISE Net (Nanoscale Informal Science Education Network).  Moreover, it’s less than part-time, and voice-overs and stage work really ARE filling in the rest.  Even in this wretchedly hobbled economy.  My stars are indeed lucky.  And I thank them regularly.

So here, for posterity, are my performance highlights of 2009:

January
Marketplace Events spots – Ty Pennington (that dude from Extreme Makeover: Home Edition) and me on TV and radio urging you to attend particular home shows here and there in the U.S.  TV commercials aired on HGTV and ABC and their affiliates.  Read more about my sister’s hilarious request.

February
Nothing of note – sometimes that’s a good thing.  Looks like I was in rehearsal.  Not always a good thing.

March

• Performances of Adam Szymcowicz’s The Captivity Plays at the Bryant Lake Bowl
• After 18 months of pain in the form of oral torture, treatment was completed and my braces were removed.  I was rewarded with awesomely perfect teeth and new-found confidence.  Join me in reliving my happy dance.
• Supervalu spots – radio spots for grocery stores around the U.S. – Albertson’s, Lucky, Supervalu, Shaw’s/Star Market, Cub Foods, Jewel-Osco, Kroger, Hornbacher’s, etc.

April
Nexxus spots – I don’t believe these were ever aired – just voice-overs for a concept by the ad agency for the client.  If it was approved by the client, the agency would then film the spots.  Since I almost never watch commercial TV, I have no idea if these ever made it though the pipeline…my guess is no.

May

• Played Nerve 123080 in full-length feature film, The System, with Voices Media, Inc. – the same folks who brought you the award-winning web-series Chasing Windmills.  Devilish early morning feats trumpeted here.
• Joined Twin Cities AFTRA Board.

June

• Caroline or Change, The Homosexuals’ Guide to the Universe, Tiny Kushner – now these didn’t involve me at all, save for my presence in the audience.  But I found the first two to be incredibly moving, incredibly powerful pieces of work.  And I was thrilled that Minneapolis was able to honor such a fantastic playwright in this way, and that such a fantastic playwright got to workshop a brand-new play in our fine city.
• Titanic: The Artifact Exhibition opens at the Science Museum of Minnesota.  This is my new “day job” wherein I get to spend part of my weekdays engaging with the general public and informing them about Miss Evelyn Marsden’s life and the hospitals aboard the ship in a darling English accent. Personal ship preparation stories here.
• United Health Care spots – my first political spots, something about calling your congresspeople somewhere in New England. Connecticut maybe? Urging you to take a particular stand on some kind of health care legislation.  Don’t remember the particulars, but got to work with the guys at Shout.  And I absolutely adore Mark Benninghofen, so it was a joy.

July
Joined the Science Museum of Minnesota to work on NISE Net (Nanoscale Informal Science Education Network) projects – both performing live stage plays and demonstrations that deal directly with nanoscale science, as well as coordinating and facilitating adult public forums about nanoscale science.  This is only 10 hours per week, and I love it.  And it makes me feel a little closer to my scientific heroes of audio over at RadioLab.  And to paraphrase the words of my delightfully brilliant colleague Michael Ritchie: I realize that my day job can never be bad, because I work in a place with musical stairs.

August

• Fringe Festival fail – this was hard.  This was very, very hard.  The Ministry of Cultural Warfare, the company I have both figuratively and literally sweat and bled for since 2000, planned to do a show.  Due to a Perfect Storm of really crappy circumstances, I had to remove myself from the process, and we ultimately had to back out of the festival at a late date.  It was heartbreaking, and the fallout was equally heartbreaking.
• Marketplace Events radio and TV spots – the plus side of August was that Ty Pennington had some more home shows to promote, so it was back into the studio to add my special female aural sparkle.
• The Minnesota State Fair – I spent an afternoon as host of the Labor Pavilion at “The Great Minnesota Get-Together.”  They gave me a wireless mic, put me in a Green building and the adjacent pavilion, and let me loose amongst the various Labor kiosks and the throngs of fair-goers.  There was trivia, there were hand-crafted on-the-spot copper roses, there were nurses and flight attendants and machinists and steel workers and everything in between.  At the end of my shift, they snapped a photo which made its way into the national AFTRA magazine.

September
I spent nearly half the month on the road, traveling to Seattle, Portland, and San Francisco – this was for my work with the Science Museum of Minnesota on behalf of the Nanoscale Informal Science Education Network (NISE Net), and it was incredibly inspiring.  It did indeed involve some performing, but it also involved meeting with social scientists to consider the social, political, and ethical implications of nanoscale science, and how to get audiences considering these aspects, as well.  We also met for the purpose of setting goals for years 6-10 of NISE Net’s grant funded by the National Science Foundation, and it involved learning how other organizations engage audiences in learning about nanoscale science.  Inspiring, and the locations were fantastic.  I love the Pacific Northwest.

October
Lead role of Hannah in Table Salt Productions’ inaugural show, Burned at the Gremlin Theatre.  Nothing like spending an hour before each performance putting glue on my face, letting it dry and manipulating it and coloring it to make it look like nasty scar tissue.  While it was a serio-comic post-apocalyptic tale, it was a joy to make a foray back into dramatic work.  Read a little more about it.

November

• Workshop and public reading of Dog and Wolf – an incredibly well-crafted, powerful,  and riveting play about a Bosnian refugee by Catherine Filloux, in which I played the lead, Jasmina.  This play is being produced Off-Broadway this February.
• My first public nanoscience forum about privacy, civil liberties, and nanotechnology.  It was a small group of about 15 people, but helped me get my feet wet.  Now that I’ve done something in the accepted mold, I can hack it and make it more interesting, accessible, and engaging.  Watchout Twin Cities – you’re about to get schooled in nano.

December

• more Marketplace Events spots – this time for home shows around the U.S. in 2010.
• Caribou Coffee spots – The tone and delivery in these spots makes me feel like we’re sitting on a front porch swing, lazing the day away.  And they’re all about handcrafted oatmeal.  And I got to spend some good time with my friends over at Babble-On Recording studios.  I love those engineers.
• General Mills spots for Tuesday Taco Night - you know you’ve made it when your VOs keep getting interrupted by a mariachi band.  Plus more time at Babble-On!  Whee!

Plenty to share for January already – but it’s a new year, so it gets a new post.  Here’s looking forward to a peaceful, prosperous 2010.  And I’ll actually work on getting all of these 2009 (and future) voice-over spots posted for your listening pleasure.  It’s not as hard as I make it sound, and yet here we are.  Soon, I promise.

I have turned down four gig offers since January due to schedule conflicts.
I have been turned down for one gig due to schedule conflicts.
I hate turn-downs, self-initiated or imposed, due to schedule conflicts.
I want it all.

On the other hand, since last writing here I participated in a two-performance run of Adam Symkowicz’ Captivity Plays, did eleven voice-overs for the Supervalu chain of grocery stores (Albertson’s, Cub, Jewel/Osco, Bigg’s, Shaw’s & Star Market, Hornbacher’s, etc., which should be playing all over the U.S. right now), recorded a tv demo for Nexxus hair care products, formalized my involvement in this year’s Fringe Festival, and started research for my role in the upcoming Titanic exhibition at the Science Museum of Minnesota.

And yet I still feel like it’s not enough; like I’m missing out on something. I’m ravenous. Insatiable.

Perchance this means it’s time to cut the excuses and dedicate myself to my craft; no more coasting.

Kids! Tune in next week to see how long this particular brand of inspiration lasts!

Last month I did 20 commercials with Ty Pennington and I could just squeal.  There, I said it.  I’ve been trying to find a dainty or clever or daintily clever way of saying it, but nothing has come to mind and this news is verging on stale.  So there you have it – I just did 20 commercials.  With Ty Pennington.  For those of you who have effectively killed their televisions (mine is stuck on PBS and I love it), he’s the dude who hosts Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, yells into a bullhorn, and then makes viewers weep when they see how he’s improved the depraved lives of the family whose home is being remodeled that week.

And before anyone asks – no, I don’t know Ty now, nor does he know me.  We were in completely separate cities when we recorded, and never interacted with one another.  It follows then, much to the dismay of my 14-year-old sister, that I can’t tell you what he smells like.

We split out the recordings over two sessions, the first of which had me regrettably on the tail end of a nasty cold; I was, however fully redeemed in the second session by being smokin’ hot.  Or at least something that resembled healthy non-suckage.  The fellas talked football, I met them with blank stares.  They laughed.  Good times were had by all.

Anyway, 10 commercials for TV, 10 for radio, all location-specific, advertising Marketplace Events home shows with various HGTV star appearances and special attractions.  The TV spots will be shown on HGTV, not sure about the market for the radio spots.  Anyway, I am your friendly announcer for spots in New York, the Washington, D.C. area, Philadelphia, greater New England, Minneapolis, Denver, Oklahoma City, Indianapolis, and Des Moines, among others.  You hear me, you hear Ty.  That’s it.

Samples or links or some kind of proof coming in the near future.

Every year, often quarterly, I notice a small void between performance-related activities and idiotically dive into a vortex of emotional self-abuse. It starts with a broad, all-encompassing, “I’m not doing enough as a performer!” and twists and whirls its way into a tight, frenzied, “Why am I kidding myself?! – I’m past my prime! – I used to be moderately good, and now I’m just a lazy-good-for-nothing-egotist-with-a-ridiculously-inappropriate-sense-of-entitlement!” It ultimately whittles down to a quantum-level slide through the fabric of reality as we know it, into an alternate plane of absolutes – “I don’t EVER do ANYTHING! EVER! My vocation is a JOKE! People are STARVING and DYING, and I’m panicking about my weight!” followed by inconsolable tears and self-loathing.

As if there ever was any doubt whatsoever – I am the stereotypical “needy” actor. If I remember correctly, my last director opted for the term “psychotic.” Lovingly.  It’s important to remind myself of this, lest I wind back up in the downy comfort of denial – “no, no –I’m different.  I hate needy actors.  I consider myself one of the few performers who can actually function normally in civilized society.”  Because man, that warm blanket is co-ZY.  And it is a harsh awakening to have that ripped off the bed.  Which happens.  A lot.

In times like these I’ve learned that my calendar is one of scant wormholes back to this particular reality (and God bless Moleskine). An hour spent with my little black book, a pad of paper, and a pen is easily worth several weeks of therapy.  I leaf through, page by page, writing down all my performance projects since the start of the year.  That said, I invite you to join me in an exercise for sanity – behold this year’s accomplishments, thus far:

1/04/08 – Voice-over gig for the Kansas City Lottery
1/07/08 – Joined AFTRA
1/28/08 – Voice-over gig for LifeTime Fitness
2/07/08 – (and onward) Performed in the Twin Cities Chekhov Festival
2/23/08 – Performed “Mrs. Man of God” in Columbus, Ohio
3/01/08 – Performed as the Red Carpet host for the Shack Nasty Costume Ball
3/24/08 – Performed in a round-table reading at The Playwrights’ Center
4/06/08 – Performed via video in Gremlin Theater’s “Everywhere Signs Fall”
4/21/08 – Performed in a round-table reading at The Playwrights’ Center
4/30/08 – Voice-over gig for Landscape Structures Inc’s GlobalReleaf Project
5/07/08 – Voice-over gig for Cellular South
5/10/08 – Performed as a defendant in Faegre + Benson’s mock trials
5/12/08 – Performed in a round-table reading at The Playwrights’ Center
6/11/08 – Voice-over gigs (two) for Target (HP Pavilion and Toshiba Laptops)
7/11/08 – (and onward) Performed in “Slasher,” as part of The Playwrights’ Center’s annual PlayLabs series
8/11/08 – (and onward) Rehearsed for + performed in “Wellstone!”
9/05/08 – Voice-over gig for Kona Grill
10/07/08 – Performed in a round-table reading at The Playwrights’ Center
10/29/08 – Voice-over gigs (seven) for General Mills’ Totino’s Pizza products
11/16/08 – Begin rehearsals for and performance in “A Christmas Story” in St. Croix Falls, WI

Add to that nine other “close calls” and castings that didn’t work out due to schedule conflicts, and that’s not a bad year.  Big breath in…..ahhhhhhh, reality.  So nice to be home.