Leigha Horton :: Green room
• • • • •

Anton in Show Business closes this Sunday, December 2nd, after a four-week run – and while I mean no disrespect to my colleagues, I’m really quite relieved.

In all honesty, I was never able to fully connect with this show. It might be because I sit in the audience the entire time – leaving the dressing room ten minutes before curtain and never joining the cast onstage until the curtain call. But it’s more than a psychological manifestation of a physical disconnect – after a few reads I realized that I didn’t really care for the script. During the rehearsal process there were a few lines in particular I came to regard as particularly grating. Around performance viewing #5 I wanted to throw things, and after #7 I just learned to tune the lines out. Add to that my occasional “phoning it in” (code for performing, but not really, um, present). Yes, I admit (with a wee jigger of shame) that I’ve been phoning it in.

SO – I will say this – I am thrilled that I had this experience and that it was a light return to the stage (three months hiatus is too long for me), and I am even more thrilled to get my mitts on my next projects… Anton in Show Business was my warm-up, my 5 minutes on the treadmill, my quick-stretch before hitting the weight machines. So thank you, Anton, for sparing me a pulled-performance-muscle. And thank you, Director, for not chucking me upside the head with your pencil. I know you know when I’m phoning it in, and I’m sorry.

I should also note that it was an honor working with such incredible women – the production team, the techies, the “rockstar stage hands,” but especially Mo, Muriel, Tamala, Zoe, Emma, and Bethany. And the alarming amount of baked goods in the dressing room. Note to directors – if you’re the hungry sort, cast a bushel of women; the brownies are out of control.

Anton in Show Business – closing weekend – 11/30-12/2

Friday & Saturday, 7:30 pm; Sunday, 2 pm

Mounds Theater, 1029 Hudson Road, St. Paul

We just received two more excellent reviews for Anton in Show Business – all the more reason to stymie this weekend’s overdose on the tryptophan and Family Time cocktail. Theater! Popcorn! Comedy! Alone-Time! Your friend Leigha! Seriously, does it get better than this?

City Pages

The Mounds stages both a sendup and celebration of life in the theater: No Business Like Show
By Quinton Skinner

Anton Chekhov’s 1901 play Three Sisters addressed, roughly speaking, the problems of Russian gentry facing changing times at the turn of the previous century. One could argue that Jane Martin’s Anton in Show Business, first performed in 2001, deals with another institution in flux—the American theater, looking for identity amid the economic and social realities that could cause it to change or perish.

Well, I’m not going to pursue that argument. Because aside from an opening monologue about the status of the contemporary stage, this is more a show about theater people than a grand statement about the system they inhabit. With great precision Martin dissects, sends up, and finally exalts show people and the drive for transcendence that allows them to endure all manner of irrationalities and indignities.

The action in this all-female-cast production opens with an audition for a production of Chekhov’s play, where the brainy, acerbic Casey (Zoe Benston) meets fresh acting meat just arrived from Texas in the form of Lisabette (Bethany Ford). The audition goes terribly, thanks to a pompous Brit director (Muriel Bonertz); he and Casey trade barbs that set the tone for a piece that is unapologetically insidery to the end.

Casey, we’re told, is a veteran of 200 off-Broadway acting gigs (and as many lovers plucked from the casts of the shows; see, she sleeps around, which is a diametric contrast to Chekhov’s dowdy Olga, whom she will later play, because Martin really likes internal subtexts). Casey seems headed for unemployment before she’s rescued by the glamorous Holly (Emma Gochberg). Holly is a famous TV actress in search of stage cred as a stepping-stone to a movie role; she insists on hiring Casey and Lisabette, because she’s tired of the audition process and wants to get on with things.

The trio decamps for San Antonio, where they begin rehearsals under the squishy leadership of company administrative director Kate (Mo Perry). It seems the company has entered into a partnership with an agitprop outfit called Black Rage. That means working for new director Andwyneth (Tamala Kendrick), who suggests all manner of deconstruction of old Anton’s play and is summarily canned by the all-powerful Holly.

Martin is widely thought to be a pseudonym for former longtime Actors Theatre of Louisville director Jon Jory, a conceit that would be increasingly tedious if Martin’s plays didn’t tend to be quite good. Here she tries to insulate her work from practitioners of the dark art of theater criticism by inserting Joby (Leigha Horton), who regularly rises up from the front row of the audience to point out, for instance, that a romantic story that arises is pretty superfluous, or that the play may be drifting into sentimentality. Martin seems to want to have her cake, eat it, and put the remainder of it in the fridge for tomorrow’s breakfast.

All of which could be cause for lamentation and gnashing of teeth, but Leah Cooper directs the proceedings with ample smarts and sophistication, and the cast delivers engaging work. Benston is world-weary, yet depicts Casey as finding solace in the acuity of her own powers of observation, while Ford rides a Texas drawl and galaxies-wide naiveté to emerge as probably the most sympathetic character. Gochberg could have produced a bit more black-widow venom as her jaded starlet, but at times her icy sweetness hints at something even darker.

Kendrick, Perry, and Bonertz each show the capacity to, as Bill Cosby once said, stop on a dime and give you five cents change. Their sharp, multi-character performances are another commentary on the theater by Martin, who alludes to shows just such as this that can’t afford to pay actors for every written role, or sometimes any role at all. By the end, we get a summoning of the connection and community that theater is all about, sort of, that almost cuts through all the cynicism. But by then we’ve seen enough sheer charm that such an invocation seems almost unnecessary. Anyhow, someone, somewhere, will always be putting on a show.

ANTON IN SHOW BUSINESS
Starting Gate Productions at the Mounds Theatre
through December 2
651.645.3503

 

Single White Fringe Geek (and Mom) //In My Humble Opinion

Anton In Show Business – Starting Gate Productions – 4-1/2 stars

-Matthew Everett

 

“Outside rehearsal, I’m a virgin. It’s just that I’m always in rehearsal.”

I have to be honest. I hate most shows about theater. Most of the time, it’s just all too self-involved and precious. Art about artists leaves me cold.

“I will f**k you with my art, and you will cry out.”

Imagine my surprise then, that I loved Anton In Show Business – a play about a hapless group of theater people desperately trying to mount to production of Chekhov’s Three Sisters.

“They come from the mist, they return to the mist.”

I probably shouldn’t be too surprised, considering the line-up of artists involved. Director Leah Cooper leads a great all-female ensemble of actors (and stage hands) through Jane Martin’s tale of theatrical mishaps. In fact, it was just that combination of people that first made me think, “With these folks involved, a play about putting on a play couldn’t be all bad.” Far from being all bad, it was nearly all good.

“Screw Thespis… Run for your lives.”

The script treads a fine line because it actively engages nearly every single stereotype about the theater and artists. Where it succeeds is when it allows us to engage the people on stage as human beings first, artists second. The play, and production, doesn’t take it for granted that we care. It allows us to get to know the characters, and then we care about what they care about. We root for them to get what they want. The fact that the thing they care about, and want, is theater, is in many ways oddly secondary. What these women want is what we all want – a sense of connection to other people, the assurance that what we are doing with our lives matters somehow, the knowledge that even when we fail, repeatedly, all is not lost. These are some of the things that matter most to Chekhov, in addition to ridiculing hypocrisy. When the script finds modern ways to convey those same longings and skewer the same falsehoods, the story and the characters really soar. The fact that it often does so the same way Chekhov did, with a generous sense of humor about human frailty, is doubly commendable. This makes it comedy that matters just as much, if not more, than drama.

“Pardon me, Jesus.”

The play starts with an overview of the state of theater and the performing arts in general, by our wisecracking stage manager narrator (Tamala Kendrick) – which, though well-performed, didn’t exactly set me at ease. It then segued into an audition sequence with all the unfortunate stock types – the southern-fried ingenue (Bethany Ford), the jaded off-off-off-Broadway regular (Zoe Benston) with recurring breast cancer, the impossibly statuesque and beautiful TV actress bankrolling a vanity project to get some artistic respect (Emma Gochberg), the hopelessly pretentious producer (Mo Perry), the obtuse and abusive director (Muriel Bonertz). It’s almost as if Jane Martin knows that as long as the script keeps both the familiar and the punchlines coming, it buys itself the time to flesh out the characters while our guard is down. It engages the audience in some storytelling shorthand to draw them in and then does its best to subvert all expectations.

And it worked. When the lights came up at intermission, I felt like no time at all had passed. I would happily have sat in the company of these performers for far longer in the first half, and it made me anxious to return to the rest of the story they had to share. That’s not something that happens all that often. Anton In Show Business is just the right combination of sharp script and even sharper performers. This is especially true of the three leads of this production, also the three sisters of the production within the production.

I’ve seen Bethany Ford (Lisabette, the Texas ingenue) in supporting roles in other productions but in this one she snuck up on me (much like her character) and completely won me over. The final moments of the play belong to her – a simple but moving story about how theater connects people, on and offstage alike, in a search for meaning and purpose. It sounds pretentious, but it was quite lovely. After seeing her breathe life into this goofy damaged young woman, I’m looking forward to whatever Ford chooses to do next.

Zoe Benston (Casey, the theater veteran) never ceases to amaze me with her ability to make any character, in any kind of production (good or bad), compelling to watch. It’s as much in the eyes as in the words. There is a full life, full of triumphs and disappointments and unreasonable hope for something better, lurking behind the eyes of this worn-out woman, Casey. Her tired smile, her reluctant sentimentality, her inability to escape the role of mentor and mother to others, all speak volumes. When, toward the end, a director seeks to dismiss their efforts to present Chekhov’s play, the wordless slow-burning anger building in Casey’s eyes had me making a mental note never to get on Benston’s bad side. Not sure how many of those stares a person could take and remain standing.

Holly the TV star could have been a thankless role in the wrong hands. Good thing they gave it to Emma Gochberg. Not only does she look every inch the part, but she never lets the high volume of jokes at Holly’s expense, and the expense of her chosen career trajectory, sail by unanswered. Yes, some people are shallow. But shallow people are people, too. This could have been the weak side of the central character triangle, but instead Gochberg’s unapologetic portrayal threatened to walk off with moment after moment in the production. Holly may burn through directors, jobs and men faster than most people, but just when you think you’ve got her figured out, or can dismiss her, she reminds you why you have to continue paying close attention. Neither the script, nor Gochberg’s work, are as simple as that.

Each in multiple roles, regularly crossing gender lines, Muriel Bonertz, Tamala Kendrick, and Mo Perry proved they can do pretty much anything you throw at them. Bonertz probably gets to have the most fun, playing three different but all powerful men – a British theater director with delusions of coherence, a Polish theater director with a maddening but ultimately effective way of demanding more from his actors, and Joe Bob, the head of the theater’s board of directors, channeling the bewilderment of modern theater audiences and finally putting it into words. Kendrick makes the most of turns as characters as different as the African American director brought in to score the theater some grant money for diversity, and the tobacco executive who funds the arts, and isn’t shy about calling people out for spitting on his money even as they continue to take it and use it. Perry is quite funny as the sly costume designer, and the theater-obsessed but ultimately lovelorn producer, but it is, strangely enough, as a male character that, like Bonertz, she most impresses. Perry’s turn as castmate Ben, the decent married guy who succumbs to Holly’s seductive charms and turns his life inside out for his co-star, is an odd experience for the audience. The way she carries herself and modulates her voice, it’s easy to forget she’s a woman. What might otherwise be billed as “hot girl-on-girl action” between Perry and Gochberg ends up seeming very much like a standard heterosexual affair. One of the many surprises that production keeps coming from beginning to end.

Even the character who should not work at all, works because of the actress into whose hands it has been entrusted. Joby is not just a critic who rises up out of the audience to repeatedly engage the actors onstage in a discussion of the play’s merit, Joby is the playwright’s internal censor. To its credit, the script plays with the idea of an audience plant in remarkably agile ways. But by voicing any and all objections to the content and presentation of the play, within the play itself, it seems like the author is trying to inoculate the text against any and all criticism from the outside. (Say it quickly about yourself before anyone else has a chance.) The main reason I object to this as a tactic is that it keeps the author from writing a better play. (“I can’t solve that problem, so I’ll just make fun of the fact I can’t solve the problem, and then skip to the next bit.”) It also keeps the audience at a constant distance from the characters. There are only so many times you can be jerked in and out of the story of the play before you just stop emotionally investing in it at all. This tactic isn’t what the play is ultimately about, otherwise Joby would have the last word, not Lisabette. All that said, Leigha Horton plays Joby full out from her perch in the front row. Not knowing the script, when Joby is threatened with being pulled up onstage and into the play itself, I found myself wishing, “Yes, please let Leigha Horton actually be part of the play we’re supposed to be watching.” Horton makes the role of gadfly work, but I was hoping they’d let her do more. Well, there’s always the next show.

So, a production which on the surface I should have disliked, I loved. A production that I expected to find tedious, engaged me instead and just flew by. Theater is a very confusing thing sometimes. But that’s also what Anton In Show Business is about. So go be confused and conflicted and highly entertained for yourself.

Very Highly Recommended.

Anton In Show Business from Starting Gate Productions runs for two more weekends, through December 2, 2007 at the Mounds Theater in St. Paul1029 Hudson Road). Fridays and Saturdays at 7:30pm, Sundays at 2pm. Tickets are $18 regular, $16 for seniors, students and Fringe button holders, and $10 for high schoolers. More information on the theater, production, directions and tickets is available at www.startingate.org, www.moundstheatre.org, or by calling 651-645-3503

Three of us in the cast and the director of Anton in Show Business visited the Jazz88 studios this morning for an on-air interview. I swooped in about 120 seconds before we went on the air and then succeeded in using the word “schmoopy.” Man, I love live interviews.

The reviews are in – Anton in Show Business (my latest onstage escapade [performed from a seat in the audience]), opened last weekend and has received the official thumbs-up from the press. I was proud to be working with such an insightful, talented, fearless group of women during the rehearsal process, and am thrilled that the press sees what I see (especially the part about Mo Perry kicking arse as a man – she is seriously smokin’ hot as Ben Shipwright).

Pioneer Press – ‘Anton’ goes behind the scenery

BY DOMINIC P. PAPATOLA, Theater Critic
Article Last Updated: 11/12/2007 06:48:03 PM CST

 

I’ve been waiting for some local theater to stage “Anton in Show Business” since I saw the play’s premiere at the Actors Theatre of Louisville in 2000. That many years of waiting can often result in a letdown, but I’m delighted to report that Jane Martin’s loving lampoon of the backstage business of theater remains fresh and funny, and that Starting Gate Productions offers a crisp and lively staging that rewards theater insiders and tickles mainstream audiences, as well.

Under Martin’s sometimes-poisonous pen, a cast of seven women conjures a microcosm of the American regional theater movement, telling the tale of a hinterland company in Texas attempting to stage Chekhov’s “Three Sisters.” The cast of the play-within-the-play is toplined by a jaded off-Broadway veteran, a breathless newbie and a talentless TV star slumming on the stage.

Along their hapless way, the actresses encounter overeducated artistic directors, skuzzy corporate underwriters, bombastic foreign artists, rich-rube board members and self-important critics.

It’s a wise, sharp-eyed and wickedly funny look at the business of theater, written by someone who’s been there (the pseudonymous Martin is widely believed to be Jon Jory, who ran the Actors Theatre of Louisville for three decades). Previous theater experience and a working knowledge of Chekhov are helpful – but by no means necessary – to enjoy the play, which is generously larded with laughs at the expense of the aesthetic folk it caricatures.

Director Leah Cooper (who, as the former executive director of the Minnesota Fringe Festival, has her own stories about the sausage factory of theater) keeps the play’s centrifugal force spinning with a number of smart little touches (including a visible, attitude-charged group of black-clad stagehands and pre-show soundtrack that includes Broadway showtunes from “You’re the Top” to “Springtime for Hitler”).

Her cast is composed mainly of actresses who have been toiling on the Twin Cities’ small- and very-small-theater circuit; this show could be a calling card for any one of them.

Zoe Benston is not quite deadpan and strikes the right blend of warmth and weariness as Casey, the actress who’s seen it all. Emma Gochberg is a take-no-prisoners, matter-of-fact tigress as Holly, the blonde, babelicious TV star who doesn’t allow her limitations to get in the way of her career. And Bethany Ford puts plenty of starry-eyed wonder into the naive Lisabette. The trio builds a great sense of chemistry and comic timing, providing a strong core both for themselves and for the orbits of the supporting characters.

Foremost among the latter is Mo Perry, who shows discipline and a ton of range playing the quietly libidinous artistic director, an aw-shucks country singer of a leading man and – in a turn that approaches grand theft acting – an en fuego but savvy costume designer.

Kudos, too, go to Tamala Kendrick, Muriel Bonertz and Leigha Horton. Martin writes everyone a spotlight moment or two; Cooper underscores them lightly and the cast members take their turns under the klieg with grace and skill and then slip seamlessly back into the ensemble.

If you love theater so much that it drives you crazy, “Anton in Show Business” will reinforce both your passions and your prejudices. If you just want to have a good, escapist night at the theater, it’s hard to go wrong with this solidly written and well-performed peek behind the curtain.

Theater critic Dominic P. Papatola can be reached at dpapatola@pioneerpress.com or 651-228-2165.

What: “Anton in Show Business,” staged by Starting Gate Productions

When: Through Dec. 2

Where: Mounds Theatre, 1029 Hudson Road, St. Paul

Tickets: $18

Call: 651-645-3503

Capsule: A farce? Only if you’ve never worked in the theater.

Star Tribune – ‘Anton in Show Business’ is a deconstruction site
In Starting Gate’s production of the Jane Martin play, a sagging second act doesn’t negate the farce or the satire.

By William Randall Beard, Special to the Star Tribune

Last update: November 12, 2007 – 2:51 PM

In billing its sixth season as “Plays Written by Women Playwrights,” Starting Gate Productions is being a bit disingenuous. It is a poorly kept secret that the “Jane Martin” who wrote the troupe’s currently running “Anton in Show Business,” is really a man. But then, that’s the kind of theatrical sleight of hand that this play specializes in.

While she was executive director of the Minnesota Fringe Festival, director Leah Cooper saw her share of theater crazies. And she represents them well in this fast-paced production, depicting them with both love and a razor-sharp wit.

A theater in Texas is producing Anton Chekhov’s “The Three Sisters.” The cast includes Lisabette, a perky newcomer, as Irina, Casey, a hard-bitten veteran, as Olga, and Holly, a ditzy TV star, as Masha. Rehearsals got horribly awry in this far-fetched backstage farce.

But this show is as much satire as farce. Martin wants to have her cake and eat it too. And she does. She pokes fun at deconstruction and then she deconstructs. She uses an all-female cast and then parodies that decision. Through the interruptions of an audience member, she skewers the most precious and pretentious elements of contemporary theater.

At times, the play feels too much like an inside joke. But there’s enough that’s universal in the behavior of these silly, arrogant and deluded people to engage even the neophyte.

Unfortunately, the play cannot maintain its initial anarchic energy. By the middle of the second act, it bogs down with not enough plot to propel the comedy. And in the final scenes, Martin attempts to set up a tragic parallel to Chekhov that becomes overly sentimental and preachy.

While the cast cannot save the ending, they are excellent indeed. Emma Gochberg delights in the narcissistic myopia of Holly, who knows how to use her power. Bethany Ford makes Lisabette’s naiveté endearing, while still sharply mocking the character’s Texas background. And Zoe Benston gives Casey a dark cynicism, but also the most emotional depth.

Mo Perry pulls off a real tour de force, playing in turn a lesbian producer, a male country singer and a flamboyant gay costumer. Muriel Bonertz also dazzles as three men, an arrogant British director, an arrogant Slavic director and the arrogant president of the theater board.

It is said that the hardest thing to write is a second act. “Anton in Show Business” bears that out. But there is still enough that is funny, incisive and outrageous in the play and especially in this strong production to consider the evening a success.

William Randall Beard is a Minneapolis writer.

Talkin’ Broadway – Starting Gate Productions Anton in Show Business
-Ed Huyck

Prolific and enigmatic playwright Jane Martin has tackled many a personal, social and political issue during her (his? their?) long career, but there is an extra level of sharp venom in Anton in Show Business, a deconstruction of the modern American theater world. Starting Gate Productions delivers a strong reading of the play – one that not only finds the laughs on the surface of the play, but gets into the heart of the characters and what the theater means, to the actors and the audience.

The theater jokes come fast and furious, such as the stage manager’s early description of New York City, where she describes the Actor’s Equity Office as the place that “makes sure no more than 80 percent of its members are out of work at any one time.” The characters aren’t spared either. Set against a doomed production of The Three Sisters at Theater Express, a San-Antonio-based company, the play introduces three generic “types” for the leads: a fame-driven Hollywood actress looking to get into movies; a bitter New York City performer who has appeared in 200 shows without getting paid; and a naïve young Texan getting her first break in show business. They interact with a bevy of familiar types, from over-educated artistic director to handsome leading man to an insane group of directors. There’s also a theater critic in the audience who interrupts the proceedings from time to time, to the consternation of the actors on stage.

If it remained a show-biz parody, Anton in Show Business would be a fairly entertaining piece that eventually wears out its welcome. Yet the script has more depth, and the actors mine that for all it’s worth, crafting a number of characters that live well beyond their clichés.

The all-woman cast includes a number of standout performances, including Zoe Benston as the bitter New York actor Casey, Emma Gochberg as Hollywood refugee Holly, and Bethany Ford as Texan Lisabette. The three truly become “sisters” through the play, ending with a beautiful reading of the final scene from Chekhov’s play. In multiple roles, Muriel Bonertz, Tamala Kendrick and Mo Perry do good work, while Leigha Horton gives critic Joby lots of nervous energy, but also generates sympathy for her own position in the world.

Leah Cooper does a solid job directing, though the show does have a few rough edges (awkward scene changes, a few dropped lines) that should have been smoothed over before the show opened. Still, Anton in Show Business is a fine production that gets to the heart of the why of theater in a way other insider plays have not been able to do.

Anton in Show Business runs through December 2 at the Mounds Theatre, 1029 Hudson Road, St. Paul. For tickets and more information, call 651-645-3503 or visit www.startinggate.org.

Photo: John Autey

Last month I recorded the lead voice-over for a national radio spot, appeared in an industrial for Microsoft, started rehearsals for a show that opens this Friday, started conversations for a show that starts rehearsing in December, conversed about appearing in a TV series to air on the SciFi channel, and was confirmed to take Mrs. Man of God back on the road in February. So why does it feel like I’ve done nothing, I’m doing nothing, and I’m stuck in a glut of non-artistry?

1. I want blame the braces. Honestly. I haven’t sung since I got them, I haven’t written since I got them, I’ve done a big fat load of nothing that feels good since I got them. You see, the braces are accompanied by the constant feeling of having just been hit in the face with a baseball. This pisses me off. And since the pain is constant, the pissed-offedness is, too. Not good for Horton Happy Time.

2. During the gig at The Children’s Theatre, I felt like I had finally discovered my true self – my core – completely fulfilled, both vocationally and avocationally. I experienced pure balance, and I’ve never felt better. Weigh that with the contract work I’m now doing, and it feels like I’m right back where I was before the CTC – doing unfulfilling work to make some cash while I hope for the Next Big Gig, but really just floundering in a sea of wasted time and energy. On top of that, I totally blew my last audition at CTC – it was my one remaining chance to get cast before next fall, and I totally blew it. The director pushed me to “go bigger,” and I did so, but within the realm of realism. I later discovered that he wanted over-the-top caricature. Had I asked the right questions at the audition, I would have been able to provide that and therefore judged fairly, but I didn’t ask, so I couldn’t provide, and therefore didn’t even get called back. Three months later and I’m still kicking myself.

3. It’s difficult to watch some of my peers catch the Awesome Train after I did, yet continue on to success – it feels like my car got disconnected at the switching station and I didn’t get onto the correct car in time, and now I’m stuck in a car detached from an engine – meanwhile, the aforementioned peers are being taken further down the line on The Big Party-Time Success Car. One has three full-time paying performing gigs in a row, including a stint at the Guthrie, one is winning screenwriting awards all over Europe, one is making music for Oscar-winning films in LA. I couldn’t be happier for these people, but conversely my eyes couldn’t be greener, and I HATE IT when I’m jealous. It makes me feel more ashamed than I already feel for not achieving those same successes.

4. Of course, the jealousy catapults me down the whole “am I good enough?” actor’s spiral of self-pity. My friend Cooper said, “You’ll never get the answer to that question because it’s ART. It’s SUPPOSED to be subjective. Some people will love your work, others will hate it, others will be disaffected. Either way, you may as well stop asking the question unless you simply enjoy torturing yourself.” It kills me, KILLS ME, that I have a calling, yet that calling depends on other people to judge me and accept me. It’s like someone telling you, “yes, I know you went through medical school, and you have all the qualifications and some great experience, but we’re just not looking for brunette doctors right now. Sorry!” Or, “…we’re looking for doctors with a wackier bedside manner right now. Sorry!” Or, “…the head doctor is 6’4, and we really need a doctor that better suits his height. Sorry!”

5. Am I playing a ridiculous trick on myself? Am I not good enough? Am I supposed to be miserable so I’ll finally go back to school for broadcast journalism in radio (long-form documentaries)? Do I need to take a business/marketing class so I can figure out how to better play the system – to wheel and deal – to market myself as an indispensable product? That feels so…disingenuous. Yet I’m at a loss for what to do, other than creating my own show or movie or whatever – and that takes an immense amount of work that I’m not at all inspired to tackle right now.

So consider this my proverbial letter-nailed-to-the-door. Perhaps it will re-kindle the wide-eyed hope I once had. Perhaps a nice breeze will sweep through to fan the flame. The good news is that the only place to go from here is up.