Me. Not the web site. And no, I'm not talking about plastic surgery or physical, um, augmentation (lord, like I need MORE? – definitely NO); I'm talking about my pearly whites. I have finally taken the financial plunge into getting the braces that I should have gotten when I was a teenager. Yes, braces. As an adult. Whoa boy.

I somewhat liken it to road repair - the road is in questionable condition, but they have to make it worse before they can make it better. My worse? Well, in addition to the braces themselves, they had to do a little rearranging on my bottom row. Which involved removing a perfectly healthy tooth. IN THE FRONT. Jesus. Someone on YouTube said that I looked like a hick - well check me out NOW, sucker! YEE-HAW! C’MERE AND GIMME A KISS! GLAUGHLLLLALAGGLALAAaAaaa…

Gross.

I have to admit that I felt rather violated having a perfectly healthy tooth removed - I don't have a single cavity, and I don't drink coffee (ever) or soda (well, rarely), so these puppies are in primo condition. I talked my dentist into letting me keep the extracted tooth. I don’t know why I wanted it or what I intend to do with it, but I have it, and that makes me feel better. So here’s the plan – standard braces on the bottom teeth; the glory of Invisalign on top:

8/28/07 - I get separators installed between my lowers in addition to the Invisalign impressions for my upper teeth;

9/11/07 - The brackets go in, begin 18 months of metal-mouth torture;

10/8/07 – The Invisalign trays arrive and I start the oh-so-clear straightening process for my uppers;

11/13/07 – Roughly the date that the tooth they pulled will be fully replaced by the tooth waiting beneath it, thus quelling general feelings of hickness;

3/11/09 – ¡LIBERTAD!

And what have I learned from this experience thus far?

Acting Professionally : Vanity :: Vanity : Pain.

Therefore...acting professionally equals pain? Yep.