On Tuesday night I watched my newly acquired DVD of Before Sunset (open letter to the IRS: thanks for the tax write-off!). The first time I saw this movie in the theater, I came out speechless. Few works of art ever cause me to be completely mind-blown - examples include Company C Na Na’s Tyrannous Rex at the 2003 MN Fringe, Before Sunset’s predecessor Before Sunrise, Almodovar’s Habla con Ella, Eric Matthews’ It’s Heavy in Here, any album by Self, etc.) Anyway, Before Sunset not only stuns me to the point of overwhelmed silence because I feel like someone has secretly taped my life and then put it on screen, but also because the acting is so precise. It’s so good it makes me want to weep. The characterizations are so spot-on, so natural, so fresh. The two leads, combined with the script, make this thing flipping indestructible. This of course leads to the next logical question: when do I get to do this? I tell you, while I really appreciate doing industrials for the big yellow tag which shall remain nameless, or the other association that pesters millions of people via telephone daily, or any number of other well-meaning groups, helping people figure out how to sell cell-phones or pressure people into paying their delinquent bills is not especially gratifying work. It pays beautifully and helps keep food on the table, but doesn’t allow for much, shall we say, interpretation. And seeing as my feature film work is seriously lacking in, well, existence, my chops aren’t what they need to be to even consider auditioning for something as potentially awesome. Even if I could get an audition.

This leads me to share that I have an audition on Saturday for a feature-length film. It’s a low-budget indi deal that’s a throw-back to 50’s horror films along the lines of Swamp Thing. Yes, yes, I realize that this will be highly stylized, and nothing like the naturalistic style of Before Sunset but I also realize that this is as good a starting point as any. This is all, of course, contingent on me getting cast in the first place. I’m in contest for what appears to be a lead female, although I don’t think I’m “beautiful” enough to get the part. I hate it when films advertise for "beautiful" actors. I mean really, what kind of narcissistic jerk responds to something like that? Thank god I didn’t read that description until they placed a revised call – there’s no way in hell I would have responded. Anyway, I’ve had a promising e-mail or two with the director after sending him my headshot and resume, but I’m pretty confident he’s going to change his mind once he sees me.

On top of all that self-consciousness, I have no idea what to do for a monologue (can’t just use one of my stage audition monologues, because the acting style between theater and film is so different). So basically, I’ve got to get my act together before Saturday at 1 pm. Anyone know how to lose 20 pounds and memorize a killer two-minute film monologue in two days?

Yeah, screwed.